I SPY

Well, I intended to share photos again and tonight blogger rejects opening to add image, somehow doubt it's conflict my computer. Pictures again from daily walks. The creek beyond the railroad tracks where I had seen a white egret fly into roost and a blue heron setting atop Mr. Beavers construction, watching me watching you. The creek in the pictures is difficult to see as reflections of scenery above in the water, creating a mirage of focus.


Well, somehow I was finally able to open upload page. I hope the center of pictures is receptive to viewer as the blurred image is the creek with it's reflections. Today I walked round and round the yard with a push mower on my acre. It looks great, my feet tired and sore from worn out shoes needing me to give up on. Dozing here as the hours of trimming have taken their toll. Sleep so necessary and yet, so is income. To keep on keeping on!

Bleached Tree

More walk photos, although today I didn't walk. This tree has captured my interest for several years of walks. She bleaches whiter with each passing day. Who takes shelter among her many openings? I've not seen anyone, but certainly she provides comfort from bitter winter winds.
Today, errands accomplished, some bill paying done, much laundry and a fresh clean bed to head off to. Not the things I hoped to do today, but things needing to be done. Invested in a new oval/circle mat cutter. Have wanted this item for some time and had a 40% off coupon, good on a regular priced piece of merchandise waiting to get used. Down from $90. to $57. including tax. Also picked up 3 pieces glass for frames I picked up a couple weeks back. Ready to get it together. Much yet to do and as usual very little time to get it accomplished.

Impending Storm

Looking for current album of pictures downloaded, had hoped to share a picture or two.I feared coming home this evening with concerns as to what more damage might be done, but house seems to have been calm tonight. Isn't there always a lull before the storm?




I found the pictures! Yeh! This pair of pictures are shared to simply frame a reference for my walks down an industrial road, but through my own little wooded timeline, finding beauty amid the haste of man's refuse.

Peck Farm Park, Geneva

38W199 Kaneville Road | Geneva IL 60134 | (630) 262-8244
Located west of Randall Road on the corner
of Kaneville Road and Peck Road.

Peck Farm Park is a 395 acre natural retreat featuring a visitor's center with hands-on Nature and History Rooms, Meeting Room, Observation Silo, Sensory Garden, Nature Trails, Bike Trails, Picnic Area, Baseball Diamonds, Soccer Fields, 19-Acre Wetland, and an outdoor Butterfly House (open during the summer).

What a day! At least I was able to upload info for September exhibit at Peck Farm. I ran up there on my lunch hour as Kendall Arts Guild members were hanging their work. I have three pieces in this exhibit. "Great Blue Heron," "Hunter's Flight,"and "Man From Dyrehaven." all embossed linocuts, Great Blue Heron and Man From Dyrehaven are inked. I was really impressed with the park district grounds here, my friend has a family wedding on the grounds next weekend and should be able to view the exhibit. It is in the Orientation Barn, which is really gorgeous with windows overlooking the marsh. Walking past the butterfly house, the aromatic flowers were awesome. I must get back and walk the miles of bike paths around the farm. Sensational and I only got a glimpse as I needed to get back to work.
I had a very hard busy day at work, which was exaggerated as I lost my lunch walk and trough feeding time. Between jobs I stopped home, ate my overdue lunch, and headed back to work with invite to my son's garage concert this evening. Was really geared to play hooky from work to spend some time enjoying talents of my son, but lack of gas money at this point sent me off to work instead. Second arrival home was disastrous! Capt Destructo had brought down a large plant, Aggie the rott mix was lying in the mud enjoying his turmoil. Tape was shredded and full of dog hair. My headweights were destroyed.(for traction on my neck adjustments). A pillow was shredded and it's filling all over the living room. I was livid. The pup has gotten out of control and the pack is enthused with his mindless PARTEE, PARTEE! We've lost that sense of right and wrong. Just caught him back chewing on my headweights...have to catch him in the act to be understood. So the day goes out as it came in, in an uncomfortable manner, but progress has come about, only by upstarting routines.

Heeeerrre's Sunhawk!

This picture is from several weeks back, finally able to edit and upload on blog...although sequentially not the same order as uploading whistlepig? I'm not sure anyway how I acomplished it, but knowing yesterday I did accomplish upload gave me a bit more stamina in arguing with a computer. Started the day hoping to get to vacuuming out cobwebs, didn't happen. But I'm really getting tired of nature series while I shower. Spider heaven...today a dandylongleg thought herself so carefree as to set on my shower sponge. That the final straw, well soon, when I get to vacuuming. Another coon on the road, looked like Ma sent out son to check out why Pa hadn't made it home. Hopefully Lil Sis won't join them tomorrow. Was ambling along thinking, without the camera something will arise and no sooner that thought entered my mind when Whistlepig toppled over the mulberry bush! I stopped and watched while she scrambled off and gave off a little cough from behind the scenes. Not a whistle but a cough. I hoped to see Sunhawk today as I traveled along my routine route. She wasn't there, but showed as I left for the evening and was perched in the uppermost branch of the tree, the view could not be better than that. Between jobs I ran over and picked up my free ice cream for blood donation efforts yesterday and looked forward to a dish after work. I picked up a peach and a chocolate peanut butter. Mmmmm. Evening work went easily, someone sharing cherry tomatoes. Thanks! Peggy sent email with notice that pix were in Beacon for Farm days and I tried to upload a pix for previous blog entry unsuccessfully. Should be content with today's accomplishments and let go of those difficult efforts coming up empty. Freaked about water level in pool till I realised I actually was draining the pool with the hose. Trying to outwit Capt. Destructo, I'm outwitting myself!It's now past bedtime so adieu, adieu.

My friend Whistlepig!

I can't believe I've finally gotten this picture to work! This is my friend "Whistlepig", slang for groundhog or most commonly called in midwest, woodchuck. I've not figured the terminology, wonder maybe I've heard the whistle and thought it had been avian. But the name causes childhood wonder deeper than "how much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Adds personality to my friend. Today I hoped I might get a pix again of my friend but after his near miss as roadkill, I imagine it'll take some time to show his face again. I did take a group of pictures from my walking path to share. Now if I can get the pictures of I took of Sunhawk to upload! She wasn't out today although I heard her squabbling with the local birds. My day was busy as time of year is expected. Calls and orders to handle. Makes the day go faster. No drawing tonight. There is a figurative workshop this weekend, but I'm not sure it's for me, adding texture to paints. Seems it will need to dry to use gesso textures with color pencils. Is it time to take up paints? Spreading myself too thin? I was off tonight with life drawing bumped off schedule for another group. *#@&*%@, or something to that effect. Trying to decide where to format my time. Color pencil class? I really need to put that money where it's needed, and just make time at home to accomplish creativity. So easy to get sidetracked by household chores. Scheduled myself for blood donation, not accomplished, difficulty finding vein, surmising that I'm not drinking enough fluids? So, I'll have to go back in a couple weeks when the bruising subsides. Am I always sporting an injury? Seems that way, ankle was kicked by pup running circles around me, nice swollen gash. Made some rather hot chili this evening with soy burger and fresh peppers from my brothers garden. Pumpkin muffins for some favorable breakfasts. Time to check that all my canine companions are indoors and head off to bed.

Man From Dyrehaven

Laid back day. Evening off, set the pace for day. Cooler weather. Afternoon walk was rather nice. Saw whistlepig run between the traffic and hoped to glimpse another closeup of my lunchtime acquaintance. When I came upon area where he had crossed the road, I saw roadkill, was rather disheartened fearing my friend hadn't made it. It was not the whistlepig but a masked night traveler coon. Sad, but I'd not been introduced to raccoon and my heart lightened a tad as I realised dear pig friend had made it safely through. A young robin had not and lost life with outstretched wings. So beautiful. I'd intended to return work to Imagine on Main when I noted exhibit at Peck Farm in Geneva. The pieces looked great in barn setting and continuing to show work is vital, so stopped in to visit Amy at Imagine on Main and she graciously took my picture to put up on facebook and art calendar site. So hopefully when I receive it that will be accomplished without further computer issues. At home, brought in laundry and burned my branches. Not a choice day for that project as leaves went up and ashed into pool. Some skimming of ash and leaves as the night fell. Some dishes, framed up "Man From Dyrehaven" another inked embossing I had exhibited at Dickson Murst Farm Day. Framed 16 x 20. Image size 10 x11. Priced @ $100.00

A Day at the Farm

Peg of Esther's Place in Big Rock Illinois all day demonstrations~right next door to art exhibit


Afternoon entertainment, Big Mo and the Shy Town, bluegrass spectacular!

This day went easily as planned. An extra early start, a comfortable morning at Dickson-Murst Farm. Birthday gathering at my folks for afternoon and my son back with me to see art exhibit at the farm, lovely bluegrass band on stage. I was glad again to spend a few minutes with my son in my real life avenue. Had a nice chat with cousin Laura when finally home, after a few groceries picked up. Plans happening for her new venture of studio open house weekend that I'd been invited to share in. One way or another it sounds like a wonderful weekend. Had worked at forging new relationships today with like minded people and was pleased with the generosity of others hearts. Now as the day closes, I'm cool and anxious for the warmth of sleep. Many thoughts arranging and rearranging to share. Didn't do pictures. Considered getting some sketchbook time but that didn't transpire either. Words will have to do. Bartered my "Possum 'n' Young" print for a wonderful photo at site of barn windows by talented photographer Joanne M. Pleskovich. Good memories.

Are we there yet?

"When we are no longer able to change a situation-we are challenged to change ourselves." ~Victor E. Frankl

Was able to sleep in and catch eight hours sleep! Should feel refreshed, but so much undone and I feel rather under the weather. Loads of stress robbing my energy levels, not enough time to get necessary exercise, and work partners acting out. Do I change? Can I accept disgruntled employees behaving infantile? Keeping abreast of the news, as predicted panic has ensued, there are increasing amounts of local crime and suicides. As if we will be in recession forever? Doomsday is here. Times are hard for many people, especially those who were troubled before the recession. Many who haven't lost income are tightening their belts as pink slips are still possible. The economy was encouraged by the extremely wealthy who are yet not hurting. But somehow, we'll all get through this. The recession of '79 was not as troubling? My faith was strong then, I expect it is strong now, but I seem to be surrounded by people in panic. I suppose if people had been on easy street and weren't struggling before, they would be quite new to survival skills that some of us developed over the years. It's often hard to find joy, but it is always there waiting. Enough about all that.
Captain Destructo has decided jumping in my gallon water crocks is an amusing game! I don't have time to mow the lawn this weekend, but as it stands it works out well as I've not enough money to buy the gas. So here's to no money reducing the workload, YEH! Was able to get out to visit my son in his new rental home, meant to take pictures. We walked to downtown Oswego to view current art show and remove my work from Imagine on Main to show in Dickson-Murst Festival tomorrow.

Hope

It was sad to hear of Colin's euthanasia. The loss is great, the decisions are hard. The real tragedy was that attempts were not made to feed the calf and get it strong again, but from the hopeless point of view taken that was delaying the inevitable. Apparently faith is at an all time low...when people decide miracles cannot happen. Here I have so many opinions, but I know the decision well and it's not made lightly. The fact that the whole world was watching made the decision harsher, a little optimism is likely when each move made is not being judged. Off again to lighter topics.
Was able to get in walk between rain today and the skies were quite unusual. Spectre clouds were passing beneath heavy clouds and rain was falling in the sunshine. I hoped for a rainbow, but I was likely opposite its view. I enjoyed he light rain although the splash from trucks sent me away from roadside and my feet were soaked. I felt quite fortunate my shoes didn't stain my feet.
Work tonight was slow, I didn't make my weeks worth of gas. Tomorrow I pray is better. There were new kind and generous patrons in this evening, just not enough to make a nights wage. Tomorrow I sleep till the dogs need to go out. Might even be 6 1/2 hours! And doze even then till quota of eight is taken. Email this evening of color pencil class. $125.00 for 5 Tuesday evenings. Can I afford it? Not likely but there's always hope.

"I am Seekng"

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart." ~Vincent Van Gogh

Finally pulled out Dad's portrait, many years overdue to finish. Set it on top my projects with its own dust cover yet. There is so much to do and so very little time. The week has added much depth, adding wavelengths unexpected. The weeks news of little orphaned whale calf in Australia is very deep, touching depths of the soul that weren't expected to surface. Why has the demise of it's mother not been pondered in the news I've seen. Fate from poaching whale hunters? Speeding ships? All that is surmised in the news is why a mother whale would leave her calf. Maybe she didn't leave, maybe she was taken. Maybe once again, man has caused irreparable damage to am extremely delicate cycle.
Whales are self aware and surmised to have souls. Looking deep into the eyes of a whale, one could not argue that they are sentient beings. How those people close to the harbor must feel! Those people witnessing the infant calve suckling the bottom of a ship! Will no one come forward and be recognized? Why is this all so important to me a half world away? The whales creations and inner depths, the magical songs they share. They are teachers, are we listening? The little calf is in it with all its heart, and all we have to offer is quick death? We are yet of lessor mind. An opportunity to assist...is there anyone ready?

In Planning

Short nite of sleep, long day of work. Plans for evening hours didn't pan out as intended. Best though, connections with family members, connections with parents, with my children, making plans for combined birthday bash for three nephews and a neice. Dad will be starting chemo very soon. Good to hear that he had a physical therapist in today and was walking. Eating a little better, not good enough but improving. Appointment Monday with oncologist to plan his chemo treatments. Doesn't seem ready to me, but hard and fast seems to be the way the cancer spread and needs treatment in same fashion. Will be pulling my work out of Imagine on Main Saturday to show at Dickson-Murst Farm Art Festival on Sunday. So behind on keeping track of agendas other than my own, but know there will be a bluegrass concert going on, somewhat expect a tractor show, animal petting and horse drawn hay wagon rides. Maybe, maybe not but lots of enthusiasm from people involved. So I committed to helping the morning shift before birthday gathering and expecting a good long enjoyable day.

All In a Day's Labor

Have you seen it before? Just dropped it off for Naperville Art League August/September exhibit. Antiqued gold frame, $100. Check out their website at www.Napervilleartleague.com
It's been an odd sort of summer day with reflections of past experiences muddying up today's vision. On my walk today, spotted something in the road a ways up, feared it was my whistlepig acquaintance as I'd often see him crossing the road. Closer up thought it may be a skunk, black and white. So saddened a loss of feline earth counterpart. Had to remove it from the road or it would be decimated and cast grimly on my daily jaunts. While I waited for passing vehicles and as I lifted it's warm stiffening body and carried it to ditch, series of flashbacks entered. All the animals I so sorrowfully euthanized, my own aged and those neglected rescues suffering and needing release. Quite sobering. A further step forward a tiny goldfinch also roadkill and a step further a golden butterfly. I carried the goldfinch and butterfly back to work with me, to sketch at a later time. Yellow, black and white seemed quite important for the day, not fully sure why, but intentionally added yellow to life drawings worked this evening at workshop. Drawings went well, comfortable with progress. Spent an hour afterwards catching up with cousin Laura in the moonlight and comfortable temps on street. All in a Day's Labor.

WBN Meeting

Took off evening position to attend Women's Business Network. Great presentation by Professor Noreen F. Mysyk on building alliances, networking, and mentoring at North Central College in Naperville. The aspect still undiscovered by our youth that men still earn higher wages even though fair labor laws have been in existence for many years now. The fact that women after succeeding have to consistently prove their value, while their male peers have proven themselves and often rest in their position. And importantly how woman once succeeding might sabotage rather than mentor an incoming woman. The glass ceiling often put in place by women themselves. The very importance of nurturing relationships and the need to continue to keep those relationships in current status as networking tool. Is that enough? I've had mentors, I've endured saboteurs, I've mentored others to success. Why is it so difficult to see inside life's issues, identify protagonists and rectify achieving personal goals. Obviously I'm spending far too much time with those who consider higher education life experience. Education is wonderful, but it isn't wisdom, only knowledge. So networking, along with marketing are current studies of mine and the true lessons aren't taught in school, but in life. OK I'm done. Any comments from mentors, peers, or even saboteurs?

Past Bedtime Already

I fully intended to get to bed on time, but this one last task of blogging to close the day. Allowed myself to sleep in again, then rushed to stay on track of days intents. Finished the evening by framing ink drawing for display at Naperville Art League, drop off Tuesday evening and tomorrow evening already booked with Women's Business Network meeting. The last meeting was fantastic, hope the pace stays status quo. So... had to accomplish today and procrastinated with myriads of tasks and cooking for the week. Still haven't titled.

Answers not forthright

I don't have an answer yet. Slept in this am, got a full 8 hours sleep, last time I did that? Well, it backfired on me. My day was gone before I knew it and I was back to work. The zillion things I needed to accomplish today didn't happen. After which I stubbed my toe on flagstone and OUCH! Limped around work this evening, so glad to get my shoes off and it's totally purple! Hope it doesn't fall off! Well, I did patch a few pool holes that were leaking, not a good job, patch edges were curling, cheap googles I bought leaked water, but maybe they'll hold for awhile. The water was cold and so were the breezes coming in. Did get dogs area inside fence trimmed shorts and burn pile, burnt down. Some laundry, some banking, picked up gift certificate for nephews engagement party. Stopped there, at nephew's fiance' parents home. Beautiful landscaping, garden walk tour stop, site of their June wedding ceremoney. And a metal patio tree covered with little candle objects de art. Couldn't stay long. My Mom had driven Dad out for a very short visit. He's using a wheelchair and didn't get out of the car, just needed to get out of the house. Felt awful I hadn't time since Sunday to visit, well tomorrow being Sunday, I'll catch up with visit and pray he's getting stronger each day.

16 hours

I've put in a 16 hour day and haven't got a smart thing to say. The crunch on my brain from far too many hours this week has me losing intent. I'm here to...? Well. after a sleep in ceremoney tomorrow, maybe I can answer that!

A little bird told me...

The sky is falling, the sky is falling! Nope that was my little red chick friend. Here in my blurry photo is the little chick who asked are you my mother? No, certainly not, but I'll feed you while we wait for your mother. I never did see Mom or the little bird again, but after feeding it 6 grubby worms from my chores, I hope it'll remember my kindness and return each year to raise it's own young. I ran into my daughter this evening at the gas station. I asked about her promise to take Captain Destructo to obedience. She said when she could afford to she would. She feels guilty about leaving him, I couldn't let her ease out of it so quickly. I didn't ask for another dog. Thankfully it's not a grandchild so neglected. The full moon pulled at my loss of control. I didn't mean to give her a guilt trip, but I really thought I was done with being taken for granted. That in itself a curious pipedream. The moon was dusted with clouds, almost as if in an old monster film. I don't want to be a monster, I just want to live. I also don't want to be the victim of a monster I created. Overtime before second job, been taking time between jobs to let pup run outside, losing pay hours. "I see the moon and the moon see me, God bless the moon and God bless me."

Spiders, Moons and Me

"Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal." ~ Pamila Vault Starr

The moon is capturing my attention again. Constantly half covered in clouds, reminder to come out and shine. So the spiders this morning invaded my desktop again. Actually insect kingdom. Large carpenter size ant with wings settled on my nectarine. I had to shoo it away to enjoy my morning snack. As the creature investigated my desktop weeds ands the pollen fallen beneath, to my amazement a small fallen blossom was dancing upon the desk, seemingly trying to entice the ant creature in closer. It was duly ignored by her, but not by me I simply had to figure out how pollen on top my desk does dance! I spied tiny webs and wondered if my green visitor had staked claim of computer wires. Much to my amazement, the web belonged to a spider the size of a pin head. Attracting prey by moving flower or dare I say fairie dust! Has my boss deemed me insane yet? Surely he must wonder why I'm fascinated by the edge of my desk...my own little planet. He did send me off to walk. Overtime today started in the early morning, cows were still peacefully lying in the fields. Fogs were scattered about the landscapes and driving through them was like driving through the clouds. Gorgeous. Later in the day I realized I had rolled up car window over a large spider. Was it the same one I witnessed hanging on to webs bouncing on window in the wind? I had a very difficult time that day not long past watching that spider do its stunt tricks for car chase scene on my passenger window. The spiders tell me it's August again, was I not paying attention? My kitchen calendar is still on July until I accomplish overdue birthday wishes. When the days are supposed to be long and lazy, overtime creeps back in and the month will be gone before I heed any of my inspirations to create. Hopefully the growing grass will slow down and accept dog days laziness for awhile. "August brings the sheaves of corn, then the harvest home is born." Sounds like even more work!

Yellow green spider

I spent much of the morning pondering the purpose of the yellow green spider traipsing across my computer screen. I was looking for an image to share, but all the images closely resembling this tiny crab like spider were copyrighted and certainly I'm not paying for publishing rights. If only I carried the camera always. She was actually a neon green with a lemon yellow glow, definitely not Charlotte. I blew up a pix from my daily walks and surmised she may belong there. The glorious purple wildflowers, distorted by enlargement, but more closely sharing more of the magic of following the path back into the woods where my spider friend actually belonged. I was tiring of her presence and ready to lift her with some paper and toss her out the door, when lunch time arrived and I commenced my wild imaginings into a walk. She was gone when I came back and already I missed her insanity. Last I had noticed she was slipping into my center drawer. I can't live this way, constantly fearing her demise as I go about my activities. So soon we forget, do the lessons shared stick with us? Will she come back again? Was I a courteous enough host? I picked some weeds on my walk, assuming she might enjoy them as I did. It would be a momentous surprise if my wildflower weeds were graced with a web overnight. Or to take it even further a message in her web. Enough insanity for today, as early rise needed for morning overtime. Gratefulness today as my father was released from the hospital. I do pray he eats and exercises as necessary for his recovery, a fighting chance. And that Mom can enjoy her days with Dad. Without nagging, eat papa...EAT!

Navigating

Running around cyberspace trying to accomplish small tasks intended. Accomplished a new friend on Facebook and signed on as Fan of Art World Chicago. Is that all? I was all over art world Chicago, viewed current artist promoted and all his works, really lovely stuff. But couldn't find my way back to editing my own profile. Ran some errands after work, resale store and was looking to see available frames that could be refinished and used, but small children were everywhere and one had reach grabber and was busy picking things up, right beneath my feet. Nearly knocked down wall of frames ontop of me. I felt I needed to disengage from this precocious child to stay alive and went off to search out other bargains available. Unless something is marked on sale, many items in the store are over priced, you could do much better at discount store sales. Why they do that I'm not sure. Certainly moving more donations through is better than sitting on them. Many items could be bought new at same prices marked for used. I picked up a couple thick bath towels marked less than some new bath towels of poor quality. Shoes to replace the many Captain Destructo has taken out on me. Nice pair of running shoes, I'll try and hope they have better support than my old ones and a nice pair of rubber Birkenstocks for garden wear. (Those also have been lost to teething pup. Cut tree branches this evening, burned fire down some, cool weather but got in pool and cleaned. Never got to the pool over weekend, still had sticks and leaves in pool from last Mondays storm, yet the water still crystal clear. Meant to return a phone call to cousin Laura, but by time I came inside, it was past evening calling hours. Well, an email will have to suffice. The moon was peeking out from behind the clouds while I worked in pool, wonderful scene beyond the clear water. Quite similar to photo I uploaded in previous entry. Creation and God's light are phenomenal studies to aspire to.

We are the Champions of the World!

"To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will." ~Sugar Ray Robinson.

I spent some time window shopping at Dick Blick today. Certainly I bought several needed items, but checked into all the wish items available. As I checked out I was asked if I was still a student(for discount purposes) or if I was a teacher. When I replied why yes I am a teacher I was asked for accreditation. Is not many years labors of any interest to anybody? I had been sought after for my classroom coverage, and had many a teacher had come in after school to watch and learn from my abilities to capture the attention of my students and open up their minds to possibility, but all said and done I still do not have that accredidation that brings human value in the eyes of those so luckily educated. Where again are the Donald Trumps of the world, who consider life a formidable education? I'm not running into them, only those who spent their years in college to believe themselves more important than others not as fortunate. So to be a champ, I need to continue to believe in myself, even with all the razzmatazz from the better than you mentality.

Capt Destructo

I finished a three job day and wonder, I had done this so many times before. No big deal. It is a big deal, it's extemely depressing that one can work so many hours and consistantly have everything one earns taken away. I was hoping this months accrued overtime could bring down my debt load, but reality is far too often unlike compatability as wages go down and debits expect higher payments. Gas company asserted in letter I was on COD basis. How unkind and cruel in this flogging society. Did somebody get a raise this month? Minimum wage went up. How does that affect middle class? Our wages did not also increase so we are closer even to poverty ever. Oops I am poverty and should accept those terms.
This weeks Destructo chewings, the garden hose, my Sound of Paper book. Box of tissues, exercise mat, the replaced garden hose.

Looked into my Father's eyes.

Today was a very long day. Dad was moved last night to ICU with breathing difficulties. It appears there is a blood clot in his lung. I listened all day and I heard so many half-truths that I wonder the world is even still intact. I hear through the vine, things I was supposed to know, but never given to me. I had a rather slow evening at work, slowly eeking the life from me. Needing to keep optimism at such a time when cancer is rapidly spreading. I'd been listening to Eric Clapton today after finding misplaced cd. Look into my father's eyes, brought tears to mine as I'm pretty certain Dad isn't going to accept chemo at this point. Miracles do happen, will we get one now? I can only ask and pray.

More Buddha

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, by heaven or hell." ~Buddha

Well, I have not conquered my computer. Uploading brings more disappointments. Why can't the computer tell me in plain English what it is I'm doing wrong? Tried scanning which has been successfully in past, but not tonight. Now the scanner is swearing at me too. My own self, to conquer that, haven't I done that? Maybe so, but reliance on past accomplishments brings very little standing. I've got deadlines and commitments on all sides of me, and I spend my time again arguing with a machine. Not quite Buddha like is it? Could I be a guru on mountain top? Life studies is quite an exceptional homework assignment I'd given myself for some only God knows reason. I am open and listening, seeking, tasting what experiences life has to offer. Now if I could get back to conquering that life tasting, my esteem would rise. So many stories we can tell ourselves, making untruths feasible. My walk today was pleasant, the heat had lifted and breezes were cooling. Sunhawk let me recognize her presence with distant screech. I turned to wave hello. Day long accomplishments with work, different jobs. There are still wars to wage against myself, my needs not being met trying to stay afloat in cruel recession. At times, as I'm open and receiving so many wondrous gifts, I forget that I'm not middle class, but poverty level. It's a hard pill to swallow, but all in a days conquering.

Buddha's message

"Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine." ~Buddha

I need to meditate and live purely after fighting again to downsize picture to upload on site. Egads! I'm spending far too much my time fighting with a totally non-cooperative computer. They are here to make our lives easier? I'm pretty sure not easier but at a faster pace. Hoping for a successful upload I've spent yet another evening with the computer crashing as I request a little change. Well, my daily report is as follows, exhausted, past bed time, and a wee bit frustrated. Not sure that my goal is even at end of current rope. So, I'll look at where I'm going and I believe it's out from behind the clouds.

Queen Anne's Lace

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

But in my case maybe I am lost or was lost? Today as I stopped to pick some Queen Anne Lace for my desk, I felt a shadow. I turned and looked up and my friend Sunhawk was circling not 15 foot above me. I was so grateful for her announcing her presence before she settled back in her tree. I was needing a friend at the moment and she arrived. My walk was hot and humid and spent noting effects of fury of last night's storm. The winds had peeled the front off the Dial building like a sardine can. I had to overstep fallen branches when passing the woods. Someone was photographing a man in T-shirt on the railroad tracks. I wondered which company bulliten he might be in, or what accolade he may have received. But they interfered with my usual milestone pile so I found another variety near my turnaround. Am I seeking fulfillment and happiness walking down this road? Would another road not be better? What about the river path? I assume the river banks are once again filled with litter from inconsiderate beings. Do I expect the worst?
I worked my skills at life drawing this evening. Moving closer and closer to what I'm looking at achieving. It is a different road, a well worn road, but definately a misunderstood path. I was able to forget my worries for a spell and listen to some great music while sketching with a sip of wine. Can it get any better than that?

Wild Grapes

"I looked up the road I was going and back the way I had come, and since I wasn't satisfied, I decided to step off the road and cut me a new path." ~Mrs. Annie Johnson c.1903, Maya Angelou's grandmother

These wild grapes are on my walking path. The treasure we seek we find within. A stretch of my workday walk is wooded and has been inviting me in as occasions afford themselves. I don't enter as I would like, the woods are unused private property, some listed for sale commercial and some just listed as owned by. Little dreams excite me to buy these woods, build my home in the center and define an outermost path for myself and other wildlife wanderers to explore. Reality steps in, as the cost is formidable and if I really had that much money, woods someplace else might be more inviting. But these are the woods I see and watch for activity of the spirit friends. Last week I was approached by an employee of the greenhouses I pass each day as to what it is I stop and look at each day? Why, I'm waiting for the white egret and tell of Mother Turtle at another creek entrance. He tells me of the Sunhawk, and yes I see that too. He mentions he hoped I was looking at him, what a silly man...I see no feathers or tails. I do often look longingly at the hose showering the outdoor gardens as the heat hampers my noon walks. But the creeks and treasures they hold are what my searching is about. Water is the essential ingredient to viewing wildlife, and water is so purifying, healing. The wild grapes need water, as do the mulberries, chokecherries, green grasses. I always hope to see a friend or two as I walk, and I contemplate daily my new path. The one not yet cut.

What picture?

Frustrated with computer and it's slow capabilities. I do have dial up yet at home and certainly don't have as much time as necessary to rectify problem areas. The greatest issue may be my computer illiteracy, if someone tries explaining, their vocabulary and mine would not match. But this day has been a new one, life is changing on all sides and keeping focus is unusually difficult. My daughter moving out yet again, leaving yet another dog in my care. My father's surgery and new cancer treatment options. I've not gotten facts in as yet, hoping with visit at hospital tomorrow, the picture will be more visual. Feeling affirmed and at same time seriously rejected. Started overtime and week ahead promises to be more than one persons job load, more like three persons job load,and not a breathing space scheduled before Sunday, from Sunday to Sunday my life will transpire in heat, hardship, yet even extravagance. The whirlwind begins and it may carry though early September before I can see my path once again. Alas, I'll continue to remember that faking it till it becomes reality once again is an option, much like "don't quit."

Whistlepig

I've made multiple attempts to crop and enlarge my whistlepig as I had done previously with hawk, and computer keeps crashing and programs do not appear to be compatible with each other. I will have to try again from yet another direction when I have time for downloading with simultaneous crashing!