"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart." ~Vincent Van Gogh
Today he is my muse. Today the remembrance of my sister's passing brought crippling waves of sorrow. Does it help that artists write songs of loss? Vincent lived in the shadow of his departed brother Vincent. I am not in my sister's shadow, but I am seeking, striving, with all my heart for consolation, for the emotional stability she helped with. It doesn't get any easier, it just normalizes, the grief we all bear. Still, the day has been good to me, chiropractor screening showed extreme improvement. Hope the x-rays show improvement also. Not been fitting in necessary exercises for spinal progress. But scan so impressive, we'll consider at moment that x-rays will also show improvement. The increased immunity and life increasing repair has progressed well. I'm anxious for life drawing tomorrow night. Hope enough people are willing to come to pay model this week. I need to pull into drawing at home, the commission, the displayed work, and the pieces my mind has invented and anxiously waits for me to execute. Work that is done, and work yet to do. All that sets waiting for my cooperation. And still I balk at continuing pieces. The censor exclaims, so many hours, what if you ruin it? I suppose I start over but again that is intimidating. Evening work was pleasant, nice pace of patrons. Could have used a few more, but enough to keep focus through the closing hour. Nice visit as Rachel and Loyal came in for dinner. He apparently over tips. Someday to discuss that fault with him. Relaxed at nights end with Stephan on patio. Really healthy to take in a moment for relaxation and star gazing. Cloudy evening, but the breezes audible, presenting themselves as stirring whispers, something quite obviously in short supply. A full day of emotions and glimpses of what may become.
3 comments:
Pull out the commission piece, get ourself set up and make a few marks nothing to appearent that would make any derastice(sp) fault. You can do it I know, Sit your seat back on the stool my dear. stay out of the head and into the heart.... You can do it small steps! Or would Donna say, Sh#t or get off the pot lady!!! Get a Grip and Go!!! Just do it!!!
I brought my artist date book to your house and then the next day I carried it to work showed Vianne and was also surprised to see what I had already put in there so when evening came I said that's it I won't know if I can till I try and it felt so good and right. Go for it lady~
~v~
I forgot that she said that! Still good advice. Thanks!
A full day of emotions and glimpses of what may become! Wow I love that last line. So deep, so poetic. Isn't it interesting how there are so many reminders, whether past or present, of our losses. A muse like Vincent, I liked him too, I tend to like artists who have haunted lives, perhaps that is how I feel at times. Baby steps, doable steps may help dissipate that darn censor. I watch your path, similar to mine at times, be gentle to you.
Bev
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